I have a bestie, high education, high level of appearance, high vision, talked about five or six boyfriends, communication is not more than half a year on the break up, recently suddenly announced to get married.
Her friends wondered what kind of person would calm her down.
Bestie said: “In fact, it was too hasty before, as long as there is a little conflict to rise to the level of love or not, at every turn said break up, think they are very handsome, the original is no patience to run in with a person.
It was also a small thing that made her reflect.
Once when she had a fever and her boyfriend didn’t come to see her because he was working overtime, she said, “I can’t count on you when I’m sick. Let’s break up.”
If it is her ex-boyfriend, will be more grievance than her, along with her mood, said: “Do you think I am willing to work overtime?Can’t you understand that?Divide it up.”
The mature man calmly replied, “It makes me tired to break up like this. I want to take care of you, but understand each other.”
She once speechless, darling ground again dare not “break up” to hang on the mouth.
Why does a sentence with the same meaning have such a different ending?
Because the former position is oneself, “I am busy with work, I am wronged”;The latter position is “we”, “You do this, will destroy our relationship, we need to understand each other”.
There is a classic saying: it is the details that defeat marriage.
Most of the conflicts in a relationship are like this. It’s no big deal, but both sides stand on their own ground and can’t understand each other, so the butterfly flaps its wings and causes a tsunami.
Japan once conducted a survey of men who initiated divorce, asking them what their motivations were for getting divorced.What accounts for the largest proportion is the communication problem of the wife: the wife is always very anxious, the tone of speech is very bad, suddenly angry, easily angry, whatever do will be scolded, cold war ignore people, always say some negative personality words…
The biggest complaint a wife has about her husband is that she can’t communicate, doesn’t understand me, and makes people angry when she talks.
A classic scene in a family emerges.
When she came home from work, she cooked and talked about the troubles she had encountered during the day. The man was not interested in listening to her, but only perfunctory. The wife felt that the other party did not care about her.
Two people together for a long time, there will always be conflict, sometimes need a big fight, sometimes several days who do not pay attention to each other.Either one of them gives in and says it’s wrong, or they break up.
Looking back on it, most of the time neither of us was wrong. What was wrong was that we thought differently and neither of us saw what the other really needed.