Give your child a choice and create a sense of autonomy
Respect for children does not mean to let them go.
I admire my neighbor Qiangqiang Mother.
When the child did his homework, she asked him to choose between “TV right after homework” and “no TV until homework is done.”
Children naturally choose to do their homework first and then watch TV.
She signed an “agreement” with her child on how many minutes a day and how many times a week he would play.
Although children like to play games, but see personally write down the agreement, also embarrassed to violate, slowly learn self-discipline.
Yin Jianli, an education scholar, said: “If children are always given opportunities to experience initiative and sense of achievement, they will form a good habit in this respect.”
A child who has choice will feel that his behavior can be decided by himself, and he will be responsible for his own behavior, thus creating a sense of responsibility and self-motivation.
Reward appropriately, punish sparingly
“Punishment and reward are both external drives, which sometimes destroy a child’s internal drive,” said Qiu Tian of the THBI Children’s Cognition Research Institute in Tsinghua University.
Because punishment can cause the child to procrastinate, “I’ve learned my lesson anyway. What else do you want?”It’s hard to make him feel autonomous in this way.
Excessive rewards have a certain utilitarian effect, which can reduce their original interest and destroy their drive.
There is a famous “drawing experiment” in psychology.The experimental results show that:
Children who originally liked drawing would take the initiative to draw after school without any intervention.
But if the reward system was deliberately set up, the children were divided into “rewarded” and “unrewarded” groups.16.7 percent of the children in the “rewarded” group chose to draw;Only 8.6 percent of the children in the unrewarded group drew.
When rewards are introduced to children who are interested, the force that drives them is reduced.
The poet William Butler Yeats said: Education is not the filling of a pail, but the lighting of a fire.
Drive, like a fire ready to explode, is buried deep in a child’s heart.
But whether the fire can be ignited or not depends very much on its surroundings.
Accept the child, his interest can be ignited.
Respect the child, his dream fire can be by the wind, burn brightly.
To support the child, his fire of strength grows stronger, and nothing can quench it