Recently, a “don’t call Mom equality treaty” became popular on the Internet, signed by a mother and her 7-year-old son in Chengdu, Sichuan Province.
The content of the treaty involves several specific scenes of language, mathematics and life, such as “please look up the words you can’t write in the dictionary! Don’t call mom. Please check all the questions carefully! “Don’t call Mom”, “wake up early, wash up consciously, open the wardrobe to find clothes, don’t call Mom” and so on. The end of the treaty also states: “problems that can’t be solved, call dad when Dad comes home!”
As soon as the treaty came out, it immediately aroused the resonance of the majority of netizens, and everyone sighed “one world, one baby”.
Unfortunately, as the mother of a 7-year-old child, I have empathy with this “treaty mother”. Especially as a writer, I know how important “not to be disturbed” is to writing and how luxurious it is to have children.
Especially in the first few years of being promoted as a mother, even if the baby didn’t call her mother, she couldn’t be idle. Therefore, the role of father is particularly important, which is not to share the responsibilities of mother, but to perform their own duties and raise children together with mother. In many families, the phenomenon of “calling mom instead of dad” is actually a kind of structural imbalance, which reflects the absence of dad in the process of child rearing.
Only when Dad takes his due responsibility, the whole family can form a stable triangle structure. In this stable structure, children’s needs for their parents are balanced, so naturally there will not be a situation where they only shout for their mother but not for their father.
Of course, all children are born to their mothers, and they are more dependent on their mothers in the process of growing up. There are certain congenital factors. Father’s structural absence is not necessarily caused by his lack of responsibility. In this “treaty mother” family, father’s neglect of children is related to his frequent business trips, which is also a common situation in modern families.
Therefore, children’s independence and autonomy is particularly important, which is also the main reason why netizens praise the mother. But in my opinion, such a treaty is neither a long-term solution nor a permanent solution.
Children’s over dependence on their parents is not caused overnight. They don’t call their mother for no reason. Apart from dad’s absence, is it also because of some things that should have been done by themselves that in the past there was no chance of learning because of mom’s replacement?
If he goes downstairs to play, you always help him with the kettle, and you always spray anti mosquito liquid for him, how can he suddenly do it himself? If you help him to check his homework, read and analyze, how can he do it all overnight? Good habits don’t automatically equip.