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There is a kind of kindness called don’t ask other people’s children

Put your concern in your heart, and listen to it when others want to tell you! Because, after all, even if you don’t know the scores of other children, it doesn’t affect your life.

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What is your mood when you are asked about your child’s grades? If the child has achieved excellent results and made progress obviously, you may feel like this is an opportunity to share happiness and enjoy the envy and praise of others; But if the child continues to lag behind, or if you are obviously back, you may immediately get embarrassed and feel hurt by the other party, and it is very disturbing. Of course, if you ask about your close friends, you may be able to talk about your grievances and anxiety

Before you ask others about their children’s performance, please ask yourself: what is the motivation for me to inquire about their children’s achievements? What effect do you want to achieve? What kind of psychological feelings do parents have to have? Will it affect the parent-child relationship of other people’s families? Maybe you’ve never thought about it before, and inadvertently upset other people’s children and parents.

People who like to ask can be roughly divided into the following types: “highly involved”. Their starting point is good faith. The family members of the elder generation and the friends of parents who watched their children grow up care about their children from their hearts. They hope to share the joy of excellent achievements and share the pain of the failure of children’s achievements. They will comfort the children “you are actually very clever, just don’t work hard, and then work hard, and the results will naturally improve.”. They teach their children for their parents: “your parents can’t afford to eat and wear, spend all their money in the cram class, and they must be able to pay for their parents in the future.” But the child may feel like, “you don’t know my real situation! Why do you have to manage so much. ” Ask more, children no longer like to attend such parties.

“Guest care type”. On the surface, I was very concerned, but I didn’t get out of my mind. The questioner is often a colleague of neighbors and parents. In their mind, asking children’s grades is the most relaxed and cordial topic among adults“ How many points do you think your child is smart when he looks at it? ” In fact, no matter how many points parents say, they will respond “good, will definitely be able to go to key schools in the future.”. They don’t care about the difficulty of the test, the level of the child’s score. The questioner is heartless, but the listener will not go in his heart. When the child is good, parents are eager to say more; When the child’s performance is not good, parents should also give a false response, but the child said in the heart, “why not talk about my achievements, this is my privacy.”.

“Learn from the advantages and make up for the short”. The person who asked may be anxious parents. They hope to learn from the people and understand the learning situation of all the children around them, especially those who are the same age as their own children or older than their own children. As a reference, they will constantly improve and urge their own children to learn. They not only ask other children’s achievements, but also ask the study time every day, how many extra-curricular classes they attend, whether they can recommend better tutors, and ask students with good grades to teach their children their learning methods… Their own anxiety is communicable, and the parents’ mentality that parents stare at is complex, on the one hand, they feel “peeping”, On the other hand, they are “rhythmic”, and they are also worried about it. By the way, I also ask about the academic achievements of other children.

Such parents will go home and say to their children, “you see so many obedience, on such an extracurricular class, so good results!”“ You see that someone learns midnight every day, never having to be urged by his parents. ” After the child hears, he may immediately reverse: “you see that some dad will make money and have a high position. How can you not compare with one…” parents and children immediately start the mode of mutual harm, and compare to become the main tone. Children are most upset with this kind of listener everywhere, and even hope parents don’t take care of such people again.